Hey! My name is Sydney and I am a registered dietitian at Sunrise Nutrition. In my last blog we explored what body shame is and its sources. Today let’s consider how to heal from body shame.

Given the rather grim and abundant nature of body shame, you may be asking yourself, “How could I ever feel better about my body? Will this ever feel different?” The honest answer is that changing your experience in your body, and specifically the experience of shame takes time. We are talking about unpacking and shifting your entire worldview and self perception, which is no small feat. Not to mention that oppressive body dynamics will continue to exist in the world until injustice is addressed.

With such a daunting task at hand, I want to remind you of two things. Firstly, it is not your fault you feel ashamed of your body. This was something you were taught, and it is something that can be unlearned. You didn’t do anything wrong, and the fact that you feel ashamed doesn’t mean you are a bad or unworthy person. In fact, a lot of other people feel body shame too. Secondly, taking the time to acknowledge and work with your body shame takes a lot of energy and bravery. Self compassion during this process can be a tremendous balm, if you are able to access it.

I have organized the following ten approaches to healing body shame under three main umbrellas; acknowledging harm, recalibrating your lens, and connecting to your here-and-now body. I have included with each idea some questions for further self inquiry. It may be helpful to discuss, reflect, or journal on these questions as you explore your body shame.

Acknowledge Harm

1. Map it out. Get oriented to the timeline of your body shame. Notice when it showed up, and track its presence over time. Notice if body shame fluctuates in different settings, with different experiences of mental health, or around different people.

When was the first time I remember feeling body shame?
If applicable, what is it like to notice that there was a point in life where I did not experience body shame?
In what periods of life did I feel the worst about my body? Why?
In what environments do I feel the worst about my body? Why?
Around which people do I feel least and most comfortable in my body? Why?

2. Feel the pain. Next, let’s notice how body shame has affected you. Many people describe it as extremely uncomfortable, and painful. Body shame can get so loud that at times it can feel like you are being ground into the ground. You may wish you could be invisible, or that you could escape being in a human body altogether. Body shame tells you hurtful things, and can affect how you show up in the world. Sitting with and acknowledging emotional pain can be very uncomfortable. It may be helpful with this step to draw on any skills or supports you have. For instance, exploring the following questions with a timer on to know that there is an endpoint, creating a plan to self soothe after, calling a trusted loved one to process your experience, or seeking the support of a therapist if accessible.

In what ways have I been told or do I believe that my body is wrong/ inadequate/ unworthy?
What am I avoiding doing/ wearing/ experiencing/ saying due to the way body shame makes me feel about my body?
What are the most painful parts of experiencing body shame?
How do I feel as I reflect on the above? How does my body feel?

Recalibrate Your Lens

3. Says who? This step is all about contextualizing and questioning your body shame. When you were taught to feel your body is wrong, a blueprint about what makes a good and bad body was imparted on you. A helpful way to enter this exploration is to keep asking why, and to stay present with any emotions that come up in the process. Anger in particular can be a helpful catalyst.

Which bodies are considered valuable and why?
Which bodies are considered wrong and why?
Who benefits from bodies being right or wrong?
Why is my body wrong? Where did I first learn this?
How has oppression impacted the way I see my body, if at all?
What body and beauty standards do I accept as true? Who benefits from this?

4. Identify your body values. You’ve taken a good hard look at the body shame blueprint you’ve been handed, now it’s time to bring out the red marker. As an adult, you have a chance to recreate this blueprint, and challenge the parts that no longer align with your values.

What parts of my body shame blueprint need to go?
What body values are important to me now?
Would I like to eventually feel body positivity? Body neutrality?
Imagine your ideal experience in your body. What does it feel like? (for example- free, peaceful, compassionate, empowered, confident) Look like? (ex: I would be able to go do all the things I want to in life like go for that date, or try that new restaurant) Sounds like?(ex- I can ask for what I need to be comfortable, laughing, speaking up if my body or others) Get as specific as possible here!
How can I engage with my body values and ideal body experience now?

5. Body bill of rights. You’ve gotten specific about what you do and don’t want your body experience to be like. Because questioning body shame may feel new, it can be helpful to create a body bill of rights. This includes all things that would feel good for you and your body to be reminded of. By writing this out, you are reclaiming your body’s inherent right-ness and worthiness.

What does my body need to hear or be reminded of? (for example: My body deserves to exist, to take up space, to feel comfort and ease, to be safe, and to have its needs met. I deserve to experience connection, love, care, kindness and respect in the body I am in right now.)
What emotions come up as I create my body bill of rights, if any?

Connect to Your Here-and-Now Body

6. You’re the main character. Existing in your body and being perceived in your body are two different things. While related, being in the experience of your body (the sensation you feel when you close your eyes, the feeling of emotions, feeling your body in space) is actually distinct from the experience of your body being perceived (how you see it in the mirror, how you imagine other people see it). When you are in the external experience of imagining how others perceive your body, you may begin to feel disconnection and body shame. If you are able to connect to and orient yourself around your body’s internal landscape, you may begin to experience being the subject of your own body.

What is it like to be in my body like when I close my eyes?
What is it like to be perceived in my body?
How does being perceived in the mirror or by others affect my internal experience of my body?
What does it mean for me to be the subject of my own body experience?

7. Get comfy. Your body deserves to be comfortable as it is right now. Attending to the comfort of your here and now body is a marvelous way to affirm this. Take a moment to imagine ways to enhance your physical comfort (such as the clothes you wear and your environment), and internal experience of comfort in your body (practicing identifying body sensations, self touch, or perhaps building a meditation practice.)

What makes my body comfortable? How could I enhance this?
What makes my body uncomfortable? How could I tend to this?
What areas of my life need attention to be more comfortable? Do I have clothes that fit me properly? Underwear that fits me properly? Comfortable bedding?
How might accessing comfort look different on a neutral day, versus a day where body shame is present?

8. Establish boundaries. Another aspect of body comfort relates to your energetic, emotional, and social environments. If there are people in your life that make shaming comments about your body, their body, or bodies in general, it may be time to create boundaries.

What comments or topics of discussion trigger feelings of body shame?
Are there people in my life that make me feel worse about my body, or that I dread seeing?
What are my boundaries? What is no longer ok with me?
What are my relationship deal breakers as it relates to bodies and body shame?

9. Sift your social media. It is no secret that social media can negatively affect your body image. In fact, it often upholds and reaffirms oppressive beauty standards and exacerbates feelings of body shame and failure. Take some time to reflect on how your social media interactions affect your body shame. This is a great time to delete accounts that make you feel bad about your body.

How does my body feel as I look at my social media? What emotions come up?
What images or messages increase my feelings of body shame? Decrease feelings of body shame?
What are my boundaries with social media? What do I no longer wish to be exposed to, if anything?
How might my body experience change if I deleted content that makes me feel bad about my body?
What would it be like to see people with bodies like mine enjoying life? Being loved? Feeling respected and valued?

10. We can heal together. As we explored earlier, our body shame experience does not happen in a vacuum. We experience body shame individually, however it is propelled by larger society. Our healing, therefore, is not just an inside job. Community has the power to shift societal body dynamics, and to affirm to yourself your newly established body values. Infusing your life with inclusive and safe spaces, support groups, and broader body community is revolutionary. In doing so, you affirm to your body that it does matter, and that a different world is possible.

What would it be like to be around people who looked like me? What would it be like to be around a diverse group of people and bodies?
What would it be like to be in a space where I didn’t feel that there were any parts of myself or my body I had to hide? That there is nothing wrong with my body? That my body is actually exactly right?
How would my body feel in this space?
How might I go about searching for, exploring, or creating these spaces?

Breaking free from body shame is a lifelong journey of learning and unlearning. As painful as it can be, delving into the murky waters of body shame can be rewarding and liberating. On the other side of body shame is the life I hope for you and your body: one of comfort, respect, dignity, self-knowing, empowerment, and belonging.

If you would like to talk to someone about your body shame, I encourage you to start conversations with trusted loved ones or healthcare providers. Additionally, our team at Sunrise Nutrition is here to help. Feel free to submit an inquiry here, or get connected to support here.

With care and solidarity,

Sydney

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